For you? The first one’s free.

Two for fives! Guys got garbage down the way.

A non-classical friend recently asked me to put together a playlist of classical hits, as a sort of easy on-ramp into the music. First, that’s a cool thing to be able to do for somebody. But it got me thinking — how do you get people to the point where they might be interested in sampling some of the product?

The short answer is basically you don’t, at least not without some strategizing. So, here are a few thoughts on getting would-be fans interested in classical music. (Patent pending.)

1. Take someone to a live show, easy-peasy
2. Slip the music into a good movie scene, let the music & visuals take care of the seduction
3. Slip earbuds into their ears while they are sleeping and play Franz Liszt extended jams
4. Make a mixtape of standout classical movements for them
5. Go crate-digging at Goodwill & other thrift shops, where the music is old, awesome and musty
6. Change their ringtone to classical music
7. Put “#1 classical fan” bumper stickers on their Prius
8. Show them enough Yuri Bashmet fail videos they start feeling sorry for him and hopefully start liking him
9. Cuddle up & read “Theodor Adorno’s Theory of Music and its Social Implications” together
10. Bring them to your next flugelhorn gathering, give them the VIP, all-access pass
11. Write a ragged, Saturday morning mailer and hope they follow your links
12. Splice classical music onto the soundtrack of the “adult videos” they’re accustomed to watching
13. Tell them you’re going clubbing and take them to the Handel & Haydn Society instead
14. Use reverse psychology

Surely there are more. What are we missing?


By Will Roseliep

Writer for different outlets. Personal work appears here first:

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